


Worth It All

by Setting_Out_Stars



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drunk Sex, Dysfunctional Relationships, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:28:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21589132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setting_Out_Stars/pseuds/Setting_Out_Stars
Summary: Mark may not be worth all of the pain and scars and suffering but he's definitely worthy of all of Jaehyun's love.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	Worth It All

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry for how crappy this is,,,, I honestly don't even know what I was going for 😭 sksksksksk I just stress wrote this entire thing at, like, 6 am.

Mark, Jaehyun tells himself, is not worth it.

He's not worth the scratches running down the length of Jaehyun's back that burn long after they're scabbed over. Neither is he worth the dark _dark_ bruises on Jaehyun's neck that never seem to fade, are absolutely impossible to cover up. Mark isn't worth the pain Jaehyun feels stabbing at his chest, the empty feeling within him, the way his heart aches and his body burns every time the younger boy calls and asks Jaehyun – specifically asks for him – to come over for the night.

Jaehyun knows that Mark isn't worth any of it but that still doesn't change the fact that he's sitting in front of Mark, nursing a bottle of beer that he can't even take a sip from because it makes him feel _sick_.

But Mark, he doesn't care. About any of it. He doesn't care that he's only using Jaehyun as a means to an end, nevermind that Jaehyun is the idiot that allows for it to happen over and over and _over_ again. No, Mark doesn't care about getting shitfaced while Jaehyun lets his first and only bottle of beer for the night go warm in his hands. He doesn't care. At all.

Doesn't care about the bloodied lines he rakes down Jaehyun's back, doesn't care about the way he bites and sucks at the column of Jaehyun's throat like a wild animal, doesn't care that he leaves Jaehyun hurting and bruised and worse for wear as long as he gets what he wants: a few moments of bliss, of pleasure so good it makes him go numb, makes him forget about any and everything else. A few moments of satiety is all Mark seeks and he doesn't care how he gets it, indifferent to the damage he causes in the process.

  
_He didn't text me back. He didn't call me back. He doesn't love me back._

  
Jaehyun's heard it before, many times, and he'll hear it again tonight; as an excuse, as an explanation, and maybe even as an apology. He doesn't ask who ' _he_ ' is, that's not his business, and Mark never shares anyways because that's not who Jaehyun is to him or what he's here for.

Jaehyun had asked, once before – before he dug his own grave and before he allowed himself to bleed for someone else through wounds both visible and hidden – Jaehyun had asked Mark who hurt him. Mark didn't say who hurt him but he did choose to hurt Jaehyun instead because Jaehyun – too kind for his own good, too _stupid_ – had offered.

Jaehyun had asked what he could do to help make things right, to make Mark feel better and all Mark had asked for was a night of pretence, a night of bliss and Jaehyun, as apprehensive as he had been, had agreed. He offered to make Mark feel better and even if it was at his own expense he would still do what he promised, would give Mark what he needed.

Which is why he sits here now – like he has before, like he will do again a few nights from now – listening to Mark cry as he downs his third bottle of beer.

It won't go on for long anyways; Mark will have had enough soon and he'll rub furiously at his tear stained cheeks before reaching out for Jaehyun, lips pursed as he demands a kiss, eyes bloodshot and expression vulnerable.

And Jaehyun will sigh heavily as he puts aside his untouched bottle of beer before slowly making his way over to where Mark is sprawled on the couch. He'll straddle his hips and cup his warm cheeks, and all Jaehyun will have time for is a few seconds of eye contact before Mark, impatient and desperate, will tug him down and press their mouths together – wet and filthy and undeniably good.

And Jaehyun will kiss Mark until he's panting under him, writhing and whining in urgency. He'll kiss Mark until his own lips start to feel tender and bruised. He'll kiss Mark until he begs and pleads with Jaehyun to fuck him, _please_ fuck him.

And Jaehyun will. He'll pull Mark into his bedroom and make quick work of undressing the both of them. He will press Mark into cold _cold_ sheets, fingers working him open slow but rough, and will leave tender, reverent kisses all over his beauty marked skin. And Mark will shiver under him, throw his head back and whisper Jaehyun's name like a prayer, like he's the only one who can ever make him feel this good, before he gets impatient once again and begs for Jaehyun's cock.

And Jaehyun will sigh, _again_. Will curse the fact that there's no _give_ in Mark's vocabulary, only _take_ , but he will give Mark what he wants nonetheless. Will push into Mark as gently as he possibly can, will give him a few precious seconds to adjust to the feeling of Jaehyun's cock inside of him, before he starts fucking him in earnest. Jaehyun will fuck Mark hard enough to make the bed-frame rattle. He'll fuck Mark hard enough to make his eyes roll into the back of his head and his toes curl. He'll fuck Mark until he's crying again, tears running down pink stained cheeks, only this time it will be in pleasure.

And then Mark will dig his nails into Jaehyun's back and _drag_ , tearing open wounds both physical and emotional. And he'll moan Jaehyun's name and wrap his legs around his hips as Jaehyun fucks him harder than he'd ever think of fucking anyone else, and he'll beg: " _Jaehyun, harder. Faster. More. Please!_ " and Jaehyun will give in to him, give it to him.

And then Mark, with an expression so heart-wrenchingly earnest, will say: " _Jaehyun hyung, I love you. I love you so much_ " and just for that instant Jaehyun will believe him, will bleed and hurt and burn for him. Jaehyun will hold Mark tighter, will kiss him deeper and he'll say it back. He will tell Mark that he _loves him, so so much_ and unlike Mark he'll mean it because he always does. Because it's Mark and because Jaehyun loves him, has loved him and will continue to love him even if Mark hurts him. Even if Mark makes him hurt himself.

Jaehyun will try and pretend like he doesn't hurt, like loving Mark but only being allowed to express his love in this way doesn't hurt but it does, it cuts him deep. It hurts so _so_ bad because Mark says he loves Jaehyun but he doesn't. It hurts because in that moment Mark means what he says, looks like it's the only truth he's ever spoken but Jaehyun knows that it isn't the truth and that Mark doesn't mean it. It hurts _because_...

...because Mark won't remember a thing he's said in the morning but Jaehyun, he will.

But that still doesn't change anything. And it won't change the way Jaehyun feels about Mark either.

  
Which is why he sits here now – like he has before, like he will do again a few nights from now – listening to Mark cry as he downs his third bottle of beer. Jaehyun sits here now, a fool, a coward, a hopeless lover knowing that he's only got a night full of heartache and pain ahead of him but he doesn't leave, cannot leave, because he's in love with Mark.

He doesn't leave because even if Mark may not be worth all of the pain and scars and suffering, he's definitely worthy of all of Jaehyun's love.

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/Yeollie_Mouse) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/Minnie_Soo)


End file.
